I'm finding it difficult to clear my mind tonight. I'm afraid that if I go to sleep, my dreams will be haunted by the fears that are clouding my mind, drifting through my waking thoughts. Only in my sleep, in my dreams, they may turn into monsters, finding a way to root themselves deeper into my emotions and perpetuate themselves.
How do you truly clear a mind? If I play music, or a game, it only serves as a temporary distraction. I know that I am trying to cover them up. THEY know that I am trying to replace them, and they come back with a vengeance. I could read a story. I could take my mind (and my monsters) to another world, with characters who have their own universe, their own problems, their own monsters.
Tonight, I write. I will not tell you the names of my creatures. They are mine, and they are this moments. The next time I read this, I may have different monsters, but they seem to use the same tactics.
The deceit of my fears tears at my heart, for that is the true target of the weapon tonight. They want me to doubt the truths that I hold dear. They want me to blame. They want to weaken me.
I will not give in. I will not play them a little song. I will not let them travel from my head, from my mind, to my heart. I will weaken them, by exposing them and trapping them in words on a page.
My fears, my monsters, my deceit cannot win. Not tonight...begone, and find another hole to fill. My truths cannot be questioned. The false universe that is created by the stories of my monsters can never be true. The love that I have, and the Love that I know, regardless of the questions and the doubts that manifest, is greater than the monsters in my mind. As I make my statement, bold and true, the monsters turn to dust and the light enters. My night brightens to day, the breath returns to my body, and my heart rejoices in its freedom from the bondage of deceitfulness.
This is how you clear a mind. Not by distraction or music or stories, but by truth.
It is time to sleep. To sleep, perchance to dream....
